ps I love you

Yesterday we got our wonderful photos back from Tessa Barton ❤️ She is amazing to say the least. So fun, and kind and one of my most favorite people ever- not to mention talented. I love these photos, and am so glad I will get to cherish them forever. I love them because number one, they were done so incredibly well, and number two, I'm so in love with the man next to me in them. I am so filled with joy, and at peace with my decision to marry Parker, and the fact we will take each other hand in hand to the house of the Lord. This has been my dream since I was a little girl, since I saw a picture of the Temple and began to understand the sacredness of it all. I've always known I would not settle for anything less than a temple marriage. We all have our wanderings, but that's why I love the gospel. Our Father in heaven is a loving and forgiving God. I love my sweet Parker and I wouldn't have him any other way than forever. Here are some of my favorite photos from our shoot with Tessa! We can't wait to do Bridals, then our first look video with David Perry in April. I've known for a long time I wanted him to do it, so we even booked him before we were officially engaged haha. We knew it was happening okay. So excited. I am even more excited to marry the kindest, most gentle, most thoughtful man I've ever known. May 5th here we come ❤️

{ here's to forever }

some very exciting things are happening..❤️

I have my wedding dress. We have our venue. Engagement pictures { round 

two } are next week with the lovely Tessa Barton. Our videographer, David Perry is booked. He'll be doing our first look video, Parker and I coming out of the temple, and our reception. I am so excited about that. A first look video is where he films the first time Parker will see me in my dress. We will be filming this at the Salt Lake Temple❤️ it is going to be so beautiful. But the most exciting thing is, we scheduled our sealing date at the Salt Lake Temple. Not only do we get "til death do you part," but I will be sealed to my Parker for time, and all eternity. Can't wait to start our forever, my love.

{ my heart beats for you }

how he asked

Starting last Thursday, he started leaving gifts in my room every day so I saw them when I got home from work. ( we live 4 houses away btw haha) On Thursday it was flowers, then a beautiful bracelet, then stunning heels, and then on the 4th day ( Sunday) he had Brenden deliver that gift. It was two gorgeous evening dresses ( so I could choose) with an invitation to a romantic dinner. So all those days he was completing an outfit. Then on Monday 9/28 he picked me up at 4:45 and took me to The Tuscany in Salt Lake. It was absolutely amazing ( I never thought I'd go there once in my life haha) After that we started driving again and he wouldn't tell me where we were going. Eventually we arrived at the Red Butte Gardens. He knew how much I love flowers and I've never been there, not to mention we hiked the Living Room by the University of Utah for our first date, and this is right at the foot of it! We walked through all of them, talking about everything, until he finally led me to a beautiful pond with a dock and an arbor at the end. There were rose petals in a path leading to the end. He walked me to the end, turned and faced me, and told me some very special things. Then he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. ( I'm crying obviously ) and then my whole family and his whole family jump out of the bushes to the right of the pond, and it was perfect! I don't know how he managed to get all of us there haha but it was beyond perfect. McKenna helped him a lot and I absolutely love her. I get two more sisters, a brother, and a wonderful mother and father in law. McKenna, Sophia, Spencer, Mary Jo and Gordon I love you all so, so much, and I know my life has changed for the better because you are all part of it now. I can't wait to see what our future holds, and baby, if I think I love you now, it's only going to grow deeper. 

{ I said yes }

Tonight the love of my life asked me to marry him. Words cannot express how peaceful I feel knowing I get you for eternity. Parker, you get to deal with my random outbursts of song, the uncontrollable laughter, the breakdowns, the tears, the guitar and philosophical questions on Saturdays at 3:30 pm. You get to listen to Bon Iver every day because I'm obsessed. You get deep conversations and seemingly stupid questions. You have to deal with the fact that I love drinking chocolate milk out of wine glasses at midnight with my messy hair and oversized sweatshirts. You get tickle fights and teasing and adventures and walks and you get to listen to the same song on repeat for 3 days because I love it so much. so let me just say good luck right now haha. buuuut. but. you get my heart. 

And the best part about all this, is that I get your jokes and your laughter. I get to see your smile for the rest of my life, and I get to do everything in my power to be able to see it every day. I get to try and figure out your funny pronunciations that you do on purpose. I get you on your hard days and your good days and all the days in between. I get to fight with you and cry with you and laugh with you.  We get each to have other and that's all I could ever want ❤️

It's here <3

So my dress arrived today, I'm not freaking out or anything it's fine. I'm absolutely in love with it. Park won't tell me if the ring is ready or not, so it will be nice to actually be engaged considering I have my dress hahaha. We'd be engaged if my ring didn't take so freaking long.  We custom designed it, and it's very detailed so they warned us it will take a while. We thought about proposing with a fake ring before, but we decided it would be more special if it was the real ring. So we wait. But anyway, I found my dress at the first place we went to. It's called the Perfect Dress in Salt Lake. Mckenna, Sophia, Mary Jo (Parker's Mom) my mom, Nikki and my aunt all came! I loved having their help, words cannot express how much I love his family. (I loved them before I loved Parker, since I knew all of them before we were set up haha) But anyway, I went into the shop just expecting to start looking. I showed them a picture of my dream dress from Pinterest, just to give them an idea. The girl helping me goes "Oh my gosh, that's our dress." She pointed to a Utah Bride magazine they had on display. And there it was, one of their brides wearing my absolute dream dress. I tried on about 10 similar ones, just to see which one fit best. I ended up liking another one that was very similar, but the lace was more elegant and the shape was more romantic. My lace for my sleeves will arrive from France the end of November, and then I'll take it to get altered! The dress doesn't fit me at all, considering they had to order the size that would fit my biggest physical feature (cough cough my chest lol) so it will be nice to try it on and see how it will actually look when the sleeves are temple ready, my neckline is lowered, and the rest is taken in to fit me perfectly. Salt Lake Temple here we come <3

to my little sister

today you left for college. I know we both cried, but I hope this will be one of the best experiences of your life. I hope you find yourself. I hope you shine, and become a light to everyone who meets you. I know you are to me. I also know that we have so many memories that I'll never forget. The small things. Like late night McDonald's runs, and making macaroni and cheese at 3am with the laugh attacks and the silliness. Things like driving up big cottonwood canyon ~ blasting Coldplay and taking turns driving so we could look at the stars. Things like picking you up in the middle of school your sophomore year and taking you to Arby's, because we were both having a hard day. Or listening to Bon Iver in the winter, and running track with you in Texas. Things like singing with you and watching you run in cross country meets ~ beating your PR every time. I could go on and on. But Nik, you stood by my side through some hard days. You are truly my best friend. You are so beautiful and strong. I cannot wait to see where this life takes you. I love you Nicole Renee, go kill it at BYU 😘

• sometimes I like to write •

I wish I could tell you that love sounds like rain hitting rooftops. A little noise that makes you smile when you first hear it, and sometimes helps you sleep at night. But love sounds like you asking me to the lunch, and singing in your car, and tickle fights that end in the most passionate kisses. Love sounds like slow dancing to Lionel Richie records in the living room, and raising our voices after hard days, and us whispering apologies to each other before we go to sleep. Love is the sound of crickets lying in the grass at the elementary school behind my mother’s house. Love is laying with you for hours listening to the wind at 1am. Love is you sitting with me while I cried silently, completely unable to speak. Love is you bringing soup when I was sick and giving that necklace after my first day of work. Sometimes love is rain hitting rooftops, and sometimes love is a goddamn hurricane. But most of all, to me, love sounds like a life together with you.

This is the part where you find out who you are

I'm not sure I am as complicated as I may think, because sometimes I still don't understand myself, but that's okay. what else is this life for? I am twenty one years old. I have two younger siblings, Nikki ( 18 ) and Austin (15 ). I'm from a small town in Texas. I love storms, and rainy days. My favorite musician is Bon Iver. Music is my passion, singing, listening to it, writing it. Writing is my outlet. I'm a hopeless romantic meets cynic, and I'm working on that. ( that's what happens when you get your heart broken I guess right? ) My most favorite thing is open windows. More specifically in the fall. That's right up there with late night drives, candles, and macaroni and cheese though ;) I'm studying History and Political Science, with one year until I apply to law school to study criminal law, and become a prosecutor. I ran varsity track all through high school, so that is my outlet. I'm a terrible liar, and will laugh at anything. I still have Christmas lights in my room, and don't intend on ever taking them down. Some days I tend to act like a child, and will start water fights while doing dishes or preform an original song while making brownies. Yep, I'm that cool, it's fine. One of my flaws, is I feel everything so deeply. Sometimes it ruins me. But that's the reason I understand people, and life. That's also the reason I love to write. Also, I'm lucky enough to be in love with my best friend.